


Shared Space

by imadragonkindofgirl



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 21:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10907982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imadragonkindofgirl/pseuds/imadragonkindofgirl
Summary: One-shot. After the war, Elain and Azriel begin a friendship that slowly changes into something more.





	Shared Space

The small garden outside of the new townhouse she shared with Nesta, in Velaris, was one of the most important parts of Elain’s newfound life. It was a sanctuary when Elain felt panic rise inside of her, when the memories of the war came back to her in full force. It hadn’t even been two years, yet. It felt like only yesterday, but also like she had lived five lifetimes. So much change packed into such a short amount of time can be devastating to a soul with no outlet. And there was so much to unpack from within her soul. Gardening, just like she’d always loved doing was a way for her to contemplate so much loss, and still give life to something else.   
    Elain had her body change on a cellular level, had gained new abilities that still in many ways scared her to use, had found a mate and just a quickly lost him, and had not known anything about him. There was guilt from the many times she’d failed her family. She had death of people on her hands. But Elain had other things, as well. Elain had her sisters, now had a healthy relationship with both. She had gained a family, a loving, fun and humorous family. More than anything, Elain had Azriel. If any friendship had helped her heal most, it was theirs.   
   Their friendship was a quiet one. She had cultivated it - held it out to the light. It was quiet friendship, but it was strong. They were kindred souls that both suffered in silent pain. Strange, when a mirror is shown in front of your own face, it’s so much easier to see the truth and the hurt lying just underneath the surface. Azriel was her mirror. He showed her the pain and she reflected his own back. Together they had been able to wipe away the dirty smudges of their pasts and present. With soft smiles shared when no one was looking, patient lessons in knife throwing and planting, and with a hand holding hers when she would sit and cry in the garden when it was all too much the fear and pain were slowly being washed clean from her heart. From the beginning, he would give her quick smiles and gentle commands during training. He was what changed her mind so quickly about appreciating being Fae. His kind words and gentle hands guiding her arms into correct positions were what made her see that Fae were not in fact devoid of love. When she felt like her insecurities and loneliness was festering, Azriel is who soothed her soul.   
   A story for a story was how it all started. She told him the story of being taken apart and put back together as something alien and unfamiliar and the struggle to find air when the murky liquid flooded her lungs. She talked about when she died, how she felt that last drop of life leave her body and the blazing lightning bolt that brought her back. He told her of having his hands burned by his half siblings, of his first kill as the Shadowsinger for Rhys’ father, about being left in the dark so long that shadows became his only confidant.   
Elain, who tried so hard to make everyone see that she was adapting, that she was fine, was surprised when one evening Azriel followed her out of the small townhouse and into the garden. Everyone had made it a custom to have dinner once a week at someone’s house. She knew Feyre and Rhysand had a love so deep it was breathtaking, she would never begrudge them that. But seeing them in that moment had caused her heart to rattle in her chest. She had a mate, but they would never have the chance to know each other, never have the chance to experience that love. She quietly excused herself with a smile that she didn’t let fall until she exited the back door. She sat on the stone bench and closed her eyes, when she opened them again Azriel was standing with his back against the doorway, looking at her with his head cocked to the side like he did when he had watched her during training lessons.  
   Worried, she gave him a shaky smile, “I was just getting some air.”  
   Azriel slowly moved his head from side to side then moved gracefully to sit next to her on the bench, “You don’t have to lie to me.”  
   Elain nodded her head once and glanced down at the folded hands in her lap, “It hurts sometimes to see them, to know I could be missing out on what they have. He died before I could even get to have a decent conversation with him.”   
A tear fell onto her hands. Quickly, she closed them to keep more from escaping. She felt gnarled fingers brush over her lightly and settle on top of them, her eyes popped open and she saw the blue syphon gleaming and she heard him quietly say, “It’s hard mourning something that never existed to us in the first place. When a dream dies, it’s almost as unbearable as losing a close friend.” She looked up at his solemn face and saw understanding. He saw through her façade of a pleasant face and a constant smile. So, she flipped her hand over and they sat in that garden in a comfortable silence surrounded by peonies, climbing jasmine, and poppies.   
   Elain smiled at the memory as she gathered flowers from the garden into a small bundle. It was just turning dusk, now. Cassian had walked into the townhouse earlier and he and Nesta both vanished. Now, Elain wasn’t very experienced when it came to physical interactions with the opposite sex. But she knew enough to never want to see either of them in a compromising position that would most likely traumatize her for her entire immortal life. And so, she didn’t bother telling Nesta where she was going. Elain had taken it upon herself to put a vase of flowers in Azriel’s apartment whenever she could. She called it his own training. Just like he helped train her in the art of killing, she trained him in the art of keeping things alive.   
When she first arrived in Velaris, she felt uncomfortable walking the streets by herself, surrounded by strange creatures, but now she relished spending time in the community. She even sold flowers at a shop in the Rainbow. She smiled at those passing by her on her way to Azriel’s apartment, not seven minutes away. He lived in near the water, it was a small apartment but she always enjoyed the view of the Sidra. When she got to the door she knocked and waited. She always counted to ten. If the door ever wasn’t answered before ten, she usually let herself in. A few months ago, after the 3 vase left on his front door, Azriel decided to re-establish his wards so that she was allowed in whenever he wasn’t home. Not even Cassian had that privilege. She got to five when Azriel answered the door. She gave him a smile the others never saw. There was no mask between them. She took in his rumpled hair, the shirtless torso, wings untucked and black training pants, “Hello, Az.”  
    He gave her a quick, sleepy smile, “El.”  
    She looked at the weapons laying haphazardly on floor next to his bed as she headed toward the small kitchenette with the flowers, “Late night mission?”   
She heard his raspy voice following behind her, “Border Patrol.” Since the end of the war, Velaris wasn’t kept a secret anymore. Elain knew Azriel saw it as being exposed, she knew he worried about its safety. Reaching up on the tips of her toes she opened the top cupboard and felt Azriel standing behind her. She felt the brush of his wing against her hair and his shadows unfurl around them both as he reached up to grab the vase on the top shelf. She watched his muscles bunch in his side. Being this close to him was still a novel thing for her. Lately, watching him had been doing funny things to her insides she hadn’t expected. She reached out and stroked a finger down his wing. He shadows danced out to stroke her hand and he jolted with a hiss, almost dropping the vase she has bought. He gave her a cool side-eye and she smiled saucily back at him. Grabbing the vase from his hand, she turned to fill it with water in the sink, she could have sworn she heard his mutter, “Cauldron boil me,” in an exasperated tone and smiled to herself. After she put the flowers in water, she put them on the counter and looked at him, her eyes snagged on his abs and trailed up to his collarbone.   
   “My eyes are up here, Elain,” she pulled her eyes away from his torso and smiled sweetly at him, “Just checking to make sure you didn’t get injured.”  
    She heard him snort and his lips twitched into a smirk, then he said, “I have something to show you.” Elain gave him a curious smile, “Alright.”   
    “But you have to close your eyes first.”  
    Because she trusted Azriel more than anything or anyone else she closed them tight and held out her hands. She felt his calloused and gnarled hands clasp around hers and gently pulled her toward the back of his apartment, where his balcony opened out over the Sidra. His hands let go of hers and with the sound of the double doors opening, those same hands were back just as quickly but this time they came from behind. She felt him shift and, leaning his face close to hers, he said, “Open your eyes, Sunshine.” In front of her, spanning the balcony that was probably as large as his apartment, potted flowers were placed everywhere. A small plum tree was next to the doorway. There was a large sitting pillow to the right. She turned to him with rounded eyes, liquid like honey and stared into his own that were closely watching her reaction. “You did all of this?”  
   He nodded carefully, “I know you love the garden at the townhouse, and with Cassian always showing up unexpected and running you off, you can a have a spot here. Something to help me grow, a place to spend more time.” his throat worked, “If you want.”  
    She gazed at the face of the man she’d grown this close bond with, someone who so fully understood her need to cultivate. He had filled his private space with the things she needed to feed the humanity in her heart. Elain realized in that moment, that if this was what love felt like, she didn’t ever want to let it go.   
    She turned to face him then, settling her hands on his shoulders, with every ounce of courage in her body she leaned forward and kissed the edge of his jaw, “It’s beautiful and I love it. If you’re okay with me invading your space even more than I already have.”  
    Azriel bent his head down, she felt the edge of his nose skim across her cheek as he whispered, “It’s not an invasion if I want you in my space, Sunshine.”   
    His arms came up around her, pulling her into himself. Then his lips were on hers, demanding and gentle, firm yet yielding. Her hands tightened on his shoulders and he brought her even closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her feet lifted off the ground. She squeaked and Azriel smiled into her lips. He walked backwards with her in his arms into the apartment. Lost in the kiss, she hadn’t realized until her back hit the mattress and Azriel broke their kiss that the sun was setting.   
   He cleared his throat, “I want my space to be yours too, Elain. You’ve brightened everything around me,” his hand smoothed other her temple and tangled in her hair, “I’m greedy for every drop of light you can give me.” He considered her eyes hopefully.   
   “It’s yours, as long as you give me your darkness. I want to feel the darkness that hurts you, I want the darkness that soothes you. Just share it all with me, Az,” Elain’s fingers teased the shadows rolling from his back. Smiling as she gazed on his face.  
   He took Elain’s hand into his own and brought it to his chest where she could feel the strong thumping of his heart. “It’s all yours, Elain.”  
   The rest of the night was spent in each other’s arms. Playing with shadows, whispering with healed hearts and quiet kisses in their shared darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction ever! I first posted it on tumblr. I would love feedback!


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